20/02/2010

Dorset League Division 2

Blandford Sports 7  Sturminster Marshall Res 1

Jimmy Greaves once famously said "it's a funny old game". Aye well, that line must have been thought up in one of his less sober moments because, believe me, this was owt but funny.

There was no hint of the disaster that was to come when Steve Johnston opened the scoring for Stur after five minutes. The visitors had chances to extend their lead but both Luke Geddes and Tom Rudd were denied by the woodwork before Blandford equalised in the 20th minute.

The manner of the goal should have been a warning. A long ball hoofed over the top and the Blandford forward who was to score all seven of their goals was onto it in a flash and hammered the ball past Andy Talbot.

The warning wasn't heeded and the second goal when it came ten minutes later was a carbon copy of the first. Stur were dominating possession and were certainly playing the better football but lacked the ruthless cutting edge which the Craig Bellamy look-a-like was providing for Blandford. Unfortunately for Stur, he didn't only look like the much travelled Welsh gobshite, he also played like him and he was proving a real handful for the Stur back line.

HT: 2-1

It took all of two minutes for Blandford to extend their lead after the break. A corner to the back post was headed home off the underside of the bar. Stur had no option but to push forward now, but such tactics were suicidal as they gave the Blandford forward the freedom to do his thing. Luke Geddes was scythed down by some yellow-clad troglodyte and as he lay prostrate on the pitch everyone stopped and waited for the ref to blow for the foul. Everyone apart from you-know-who. Off he went and again hammered the ball into the net.

The fifth came when Wood fell over and Geddes went off for a walk to check out the talent on the touch line. Agar lobbed the ball over Miller's head, went round the flailing Talbot, waited for the ball to bounce three times, looked around in a final check to see that no Stur defender was anywhere near him and slammed the ball into the back of the net.

The sixth (or am I onto the seventh yet, I had lost count and the will to live by this time?) may well have been offside, but the wannabee-wag sitting behind the linesman was beginning to pee him off and he had turned to politely ask her to shut her yap and by the time he turned back to the pitch the ball was nestling in the back of the net.

To their credit, the players never stopped trying. At 7-1 down and with five minutes remaining we went three at the back in an attempt to grab a draw.  I suppose the change did at least prevent Blandford adding to their total, but it certainly didn’t ever look as though a point was going to be on the cards.

This really is a tough result to explain. No-one really played badly. Blandford reminded me of the 1980s Wimbledon side, and had an exceptional front player to get on the end of their hoofs. We simply could not cope with their kick-em-up-in-the-air-and-boot-the-ball-to-buggery tactics. Freak scores do sometimes occur in football. Tottenham hammering Wigan 9-0 earlier this season springs to mind. I know it’s no real comfort, but this has happened to far better teams than Sturminster Marshall reserves and it will happen to better teams again. It’s how you recover from such results that is the measure of a team. We’ll see next week just what this set of players are made of. Hopefully those who spent last Friday night propping up the bar at Spearmint Hippo* will have learned their lesson and will spend next Friday night at home with a nice cup of Horlicks.

* Yes, I know it’s Spearmint Rhino, but you wouldn’t think so if you clocked some of the beasts the younger of the two Geddes brothers ends up with. Hippo is a very apt description.